Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Now hiring! Thugs, cut throats, desperados... Contact Cedric Cromwell
"I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, @ss-kickers, sh#t-kickers and Methodists." said Hedley Lamar in Blazing Saddles, but it might as well have been Cedric Cromwell today on WRKO when asked by Tom & Todd whether or not he could form his own "internal army" on his new reservation casino.
The show hosts noted "his face lit up" as Cromwell explained that there would be "border patrol management" and "sovereign police" on his casino reservation complex as their sovereignty as an independent nation within the borders of Massachusetts and the community which turns their land rights over to the tribe. Of course he would need protection as no state or local police jurisdiction or authority would be recognized. "Sovereignty is interesting" according to Cedric "crush the competition" Cromwell and he says the Mashpee tribe hasn't decided how they will handle jurisdictional issues.
So, if you think you have what it takes to be a Mashpee tribal security police officer or border protection agent send your resume to:
Cedric Cromwell, Mashpee Wampanoag Supreme Commander
8 Seanna Road
Attleboro, MA 02703
According to his WRKO interview he plans a full "destination resort" casino with shops, restaurants, cinemas, restaurants, clubs, entertainment venues, bars and, of course "full-blown gaming" which will all need tribal policing, security and apparently border controls. This will, in Cedric's words "crush the competition" because he won't pay a dime in taxes or fees. Cedric discussed tax-free cigarette sales, tax-free "New Hampshire style" liquor store. However, on a good note Cedric pledged to not sell heroine under his leadership (leaving that door open to a successor).
But apparently Cedric won't be happy with just destroying South Shore businesses and culture, he also plans a 85,000 square foot indoor water park with indoor beaches so visitors won't have to bother leaving the reservation to enjoy Cape beaches where they might accidentally spend a few bucks off the reservation.
While the Wall Street Journal is reporting that East Coast casino jobs and wages are in sharp decline, Cedric claims he'll have 4,500 - 5,000 "reservation" jobs - of course not covered by any federal, state or local labor rules or ordinances. While workers on other non-Indian gaming operations will have to undergo background checks which can be reviewed by state auditors, no such state oversight or background checks will be needed at Cedric Cromwell's Wampa World. So, all you thugs, mugs, rustlers and cut throats hanging on the street corners of Providence, New York and Newark pack your bags for Mashpee - there's a no-background check job waiting for you with Cedric's Army.